THIS JOURNAL IS ON 232 FAVORITE JOURNAL LISTSHonor: 40 [ Give / Take ]
13 entries this month
20:07 Dec 31 2011
Times Read: 518
Oh and add 12 jello shots that my dad's girlfriend just brought over! Okay.... make that 11.
-shifty eyes-
06:14 Dec 31 2011
Times Read: 529
My liver and I are having a serious talk tonight. I am going to apologize tonight for the hell I am going to put it through tomorrow. We both need it. It's been slackin' and I need a good bout of "Oh shit, what's my name?".
I wish I could have all the people that mattered to me near me to bring this New Year in right, but I know it's not possible. So.. I'll just make an ass outta my self on cam. YAY!
1 fifth GoldSchlager- check.
Most of a fifth of Jack Daniels- check.
Most of a fifth of Disaronno- check.
6 pack of Mikes- check.
12 pack of Seagram's Paradise Variety Pack- check.
Yee Haw!
00:00 Dec 27 2011
Times Read: 574
It was like the wall fully crumbled today. After having a few convos with a couple people about small things, other things I am dealing with on an emotional/mental level just came out. I honestly thought I was breaking down. I couldn't stop talking about just everything. Even things that I haven't admitted to myself just came out.
I feel like some weight has been lifted from me, but my mind is still constantly in the state of confusion and being jumbled. And I still don't know what to do, or handle, some of the other things I am dealing with.
There are times I wish I could live in a blissful ignorance that I see so many people live in, but while I am a dreamer I can only dream so much before the realist in me kicks in.
I hate this feeling. Jumbled. Discombobulated.
21:15 Dec 21 2011
Times Read: 607
I crave change in my life on levels that is going to cause me to break free from the comfort zone that I’ve created. I need to gather and remove; gather the things that give me strength and remove those that drive me further into a place I need not be.
I have this feeling that there is a part of my life I need to start to discover. And that leads to discovering people in a way that can be scary for me. Dating is not something I’ve been good at. It’s been almost 2 years since my last relationship. And I use that term loosely because it wasn’t really a ‘relationship’. There was nothing there.
I think it’s time to join a dating site and just feel it out to see how it goes. I’ve only ever joined one and that only lasted for a month. I feel that it’s time. I don’t want to spend my life alone and there is a part of my life I want to share and experience with another person.
We’ll see how this all turns out.
05:21 Dec 16 2011
Times Read: 649
There are times I wish I could just hate you and walk away from you for good. Just leave you behind like I have with others and not have a single thought or care. Sometimes I feel like this whole thing is nothing more than a charade. And I have no idea what the purpose behind it is.
Honestly, I wonder what the point is at times.
There are times when I think I know, but then those ideas just fly right out the window.
Indecisiveness and confusion at its finest!
02:47 Dec 16 2011
Times Read: 674
Dear Sweet Baby Jeebus in your golden huggies.....
Please.. Please give me the strength to hold my temper.
Please do not let me eat the faces off females and punch men in their baby maker. Do not let me kick puppies and toss kittens.
And more importantly... please give me the strength to not dismember someone.
Amen.
19:08 Dec 15 2011
Times Read: 688
I grow so tired of the games people play; male and female. It is so repetitive, the only thing that changes are the people involved. And sometimes that doesn't even change. I've always had the uncanny ability to read people. It makes me sad that pretty much most of the time I am correct.
I get sick of people ‘flaking out’ for some reason or another. (And I mean this in numerous situations) Most the time the reasons are ridiculous and I can blow them off, but when it becomes a constant situation it takes every bit of restraint I have to be the strong and silent type. It best this way because when I’ve had enough, I’ve just had enough and everything I feel happens to just come out. Not only does that effect me and the person I have the issues with, it can also take a toll on the surrounding people as well. That is something I don’t want and it’s unnecessary.
There are times when I feel like a bottle under pressure; just waiting for that moment when the top is going to shoot off and the contents explodes. It’s not a pleasant feeling when it happens or when the pressure gets too extreme.
I am a very nice person, but when the niceness runs out the coldness takes place. It is easy for me to shut down and not care. To hurt someone and not flinch at the pain that I can cause someone with sharp words or a perception of truth. I've walked away from numerous people in my life for one reason or another. I've shut the door and never looked back no matter what their situations bring. It shouldn't be as easy as it, but it is and I move along. Most people do not get a second chance with me. It is very rare people even get a first chance to break down the walls I've created. I can be very calculated and cold, even though most people don't believe it, but it's there.
I feel that pressure as of now. I want release, I crave release, but I refuse to fall subject to it. I need an outlet that will probably never come, but I still need it.
I guess I am writing this as a testament; maybe even a confession to a secret part of myself. It may mean nothing, or it may mean something. Either way it's signed and sealed.
06:37 Dec 14 2011
Times Read: 739
It is really quite amazing the things that people will try to pull when they do not realize who they are dealing with. I am not stupid, nor am I ignorant. I know exactly when someone is trying to pull a fast one and spinning words in order to get what they want. I've seen it before, so I am not blind to it.
As I handled a situation on my alter account today, I found it humorous that it's never happened to me here on MooniePie. I know that if I was on this profile in the place I was in, the situation wouldn't of happened. Why? Because this name is a known name and people know what comes along with the name.
I am thankful I have an alter because of situations like this. Not only does it allow me to see how some people act, it also allows me to see societies from a different perspective. When some people do not realize who you are, it gives you a chance to see how they really function and operate because they do not realize that you know how it works.
For example:
If I am in place B on an alter account and the person I am dealing with is dishonest, I do not want to deal with them with place A. Which means that not only will I voice my opinion about it in place B, but I will also refuse dealing with them in place A.
If you are shady, then you are going to be shady in dealings with other places. I don't think so.
If a Assistant is shady, then I think the CM is shady also. Why? Because you need to know who you are putting into position. And since you've put them into that position, you must be okay with the way they operate, so it makes you shady as well.
Really there is a simple point here-
Stop being assholes.
02:20 Dec 12 2011
Times Read: 774
Seriously you two crazy bastards need to be locked in a room together so two things will happen:
1. One of you will actually die and stfu.
2. You can realize you both are fucking crazy and shut up.
3. Maybe fornicate until you both stop breathing. But before that happens, please, for the sake of the world, have your breeding parts ripped out.
4. Realize this whole charade you both do is nothing but bullshit.
5. Maybe actually seek some kind of therapy for the land of delusions you both live in.
Notice the themes here? Shutting the hell up.
Gah... if there was a way to revoke a breathing license I am sure you(s) would be at the top of the list.
01:04 Dec 08 2011
Times Read: 807
Sweet baby jeebus.
I am so glad I don't talk to very many people on a 'serious' level.
04:45 Dec 07 2011
Times Read: 837
I hardly ever think of you, but when I do I still feel hatred. I’ve forgiven you, but when you do enter my mind I cannot believe all the lies you told. I cannot believe that you were so jealous that you stooped as low as you did. I still wonder what you were thinking when you stole all that money from us. I wonder how it felt to rack up my credit card bill when they were still trying to figure out if I would ever walk again. I wonder how it felt when you lied to your family and told them “Oh she’s back to normal’” when in actuality I wasn’t.
I cannot believe you said because ‘I deserved it’. After the things we did for each other. I bought you clothes, food, ran hours to get you at all hours when you were an hour away, taken you to the ER, gave you a place to live when you needed it. You were a part of my family; I loved you like a sister and yet you felt the need to do this. Drove my car all over hell and then screwed god knows who in motel rooms you charged on my card while I laid up in a hospital bed.
When I have to struggle, that’s when I think of my hatred for you; because if you wouldn’t have did what you did, there wouldn’t be a struggle. I believed your lies about your kids. And then I realized you abandoned them. You were never a mother, you were a washed up has been of a wife that turned into a whore.
I am sure you feel no remorse for your actions. I have no clue as to why you let your jealousy reach the level it did. My life was not a prize at that time, but I guess when you are what you are, it didn’t matter. I really hope that it comes back to you 3 fold.
As the years went on you were never my best friend, you just rode on my coat tails for as long as you could. I hope guilt eats at you every day. You deserve it.
06:13 Dec 06 2011
Times Read: 882
Hi my name is Elaine.
I feel that most people can go and devour a penis.
Actually most people can devour a penis and then have trouble masticating the testicular region. Therefore causing the area to get that lodged in their throat.
Good day. heh.
19:02 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 915
I just don't have it in me. I know that I've been pulling away again. Sliding back down into the silence and loner role. I just cannot bring myself to be social and outgoing. I feel myself teetering on the borders of depression, loneliness and feeling trapped.
My mind won't stop reeling and I feel as though I am in a constant state of brooding. This isn't healthy for me. The cage I feel that I am in is growing smaller and smaller.
I want answers. I want guidance. I want to walk a different path. I really doubt any of those will happen. Frustration at its finest.
RECENT JOURNAL POSTS
Premiere Sire (126)
Phantom (28)
Anarchist (88)
REAL VAMPIRES LOVE VAMPIRE RAVE
Vampire Rave is a member of
Page generated in 0.1196 seconds.
COMMENTS
-
Bellanova333
20:11 Dec 31 2011
lol that sounds good...
Teradin
20:35 Dec 31 2011
:( I want jello shots... this mini van needs to go faster....ohh cop taking pictures next to cop with radar gun.. nice. Have a great night MoonflowerGoddessofLustandallthingslusty.
Survival
20:55 Dec 31 2011
You're doing jello shots... Without me?
USE MAH BELLY AS THE CUP!
I can't wait to do jello shots with you!
:D
Isis101
04:10 Jan 02 2012
I bet your liver is hating you right now...
MooniePie
04:36 Jan 02 2012
I really didn't drink all that much. Well, I drank a lot but over a span of time so I didn't get really hammered. My liver is still on speaking terms with me. heh.